Many Moons Ago

"Having blagged a TV, video and stash of porn tapes I bang up for a long weekend of self abuse. Saturday morning, and mates are drifting in and out to catch a peek of Holland’s best filth. I'm still lying in bed. James pops in and, seeing a woman on the screen delivering ferocious head to some guy, says to me, "I can do a better job than that." Before my brain can process the implications of this, he continues his pitch. "If ever you get frustrated, give me a shout. I even take it up the a**e ". I mean, what DO you say to that before breakfast..?"