Friday, December 25, 2009

Xmas Menu

This is a touchy subject, so let's get it out of the way. This is our Christmas Day menu.
Main - Sausage, bacon, scrambled egg, black pudding, fried bread,beans and mushrooms.
Veggie - veg sausagesX2, scrambled egg, hash brown, fried bread,beans, mushrooms.
Pork Free- Halal sausage X 2, scrambled egg, hash brown, fried bread, beans, mushrooms.
Main • Sliced Roast Turkey
Pork Free - Halal Chicken Leg
Veggie- Salmon Portion
Vegan - Lentil and Nut Roast
All served with - roast potatoes, kilted sausages, stuffing, honey glazed parsnips, garden peas, carrots, gravy. Christmas pudding and Vanilla sauce.
Tea pack, choose one of the following:
1.       Cheese baguette
2.  Ham  baguette
3.       Tuna baguette
And one of the following:
1.       Pork pie
2.       Sausage roll
3.    Vegetarian samosa

You will also receive a pack with crisps, instant noodles, soup sachet, chocolate, fruit, biscuits, xmas cake and drink.
NB: As ever this reads an awful lot better than it appears on our plate. The devil is in the detail. The sausage, for instance isn't a nice fat juicy one but something about 2 inches long. The bacon is a strip l\2 inches by 4. The fried bread is half-a slice. The sliced roast turkey comes from a tin. And please don't think that the cooked breakfast is a regular thing; this is the only one of the year!


  1. It doesn't sound so bad until they see the size of the portions.

  2. I do hope there are some other extras, privileges I suppose they would be called, to make the day more special. Do you get any special entertainments or anything? Longer visits? I hope so but from what you've told us before, I won't be surprised if you don't. Just sorry.

  3. Are all your food servings small? Are you often hungry?

  4. hope the likes of Ian Huntley/ Roy Whiting et al choke on it.

  5. I fast voluntarily at Christmas. I find it the best antidote to all the things Christmas is not, while I remember what it really is - a day to remember the dawning of spiritual light in our world.

    Well, it takes all sorts, and I happen to be a Christian. I never found much opportunity for gluttony in prison but, throughout the world, millions starve daily. Remember them while you eat your sausage.

  6. Ahhhh, the prison meal menu's....

    I wonder if the author's of these Menu's have ever won anything for there efforts?
    I mean the skills they possess to enable them to describe a joyless tube of gristle as "kilted sausages" are not to be undervalued.
    Channeled in the right direction these people could be writing the next Da Vinci Code or at least handy household tips letters for Viz magazine....
    I hope somehow you can find some moments of joy over the christmas period Ben, just started reading your blog and I know from experience how infuriatingly slow the wheels of the prison system move. Seems to me it's constantly mid 1970's in most HMP's, hopefully 2010 will see them catch up to reality a little.

  7. I was only able to eat once today... a second meal would have been welcomed. It's all in the eye of the beholder!

  8. This links to my other comment of 'Grumpy Ben'. This time of year, being the money Gods moment in time, would make sense. As you lot in the slammer, are indirectly controlled by No.11, in that famous street, who is a Rep for the Money God. Remember, 'time is money', 'money is a nonsense', large amounts of money are not here, try islands in far away places, words can lie to you, they lie to us out here about the words from in there.

    Do you get it now? The whole dammed thing is a joke! You lot in there, think we are having fun out here. Us lot out here, are told that you lot in there, are having fun. Yikes! This is freakie stuff! You lot in there, can see your bars! Us lot out here, we can't see ours, as they are just a little bit too far apart to notice. HaHaHaHa!
    You say, "that git, he has spelt 'freakie' wrong". Now, look here! You have never meet a freakie like me, have you? So hands off my word, OK.