What can I say??

Your response to my plea for help with funding my studies was overwhelming, the target reached in just a few days! That I caught your attention, and received your generosity, in a world full of insanity and need is very touching. It also puts me on notice that there are a lot of people who have expectations of me and I'd better damn deliver!

As always happens when my name breaks free of the confines of this blog into the wild, deep passions are stirred. One blogger, while plugging my plea and making a donation, also made the point that I should perhaps just be grateful not to have been executed! Cheers, Old H.

I do seem to be a sporadic, minor, lightening rod for the debate between rehabilitation and punishment. Some think I should spend forever in a dank dungeon living off rats, whilst others take a view that change is to be encouraged and assisted. Divining the mindset beneath these views I discern a definite pattern. Those who want me to rot are those who dehumanize prisoners, we are animals, the perpetual Other. Those who support rehabilitation see us as flawed people and "there but for the grace of God..." Neither, I suspect, will ever change their views and so I will never attempt to do so. All I will ever do is present myself as I have, as a three dimensional human being, and if some wish to refuse to see that then it reflects more on them than I.

Another interesting strand is the naivety of some people! In an age when a police can brutalise, even kill, a civilian in the full gaze of the public how can anyone believe that what goes on in my enclosed world is always above board and proper? Such faith in Authority is quite worrying to witness.

This seemed to be most often raised in relation to questioning why I have served 30 years. Surely, some say, I must be a lot more wicked than I claim? These people demand a simple, straightforward explanation when the truth is, there isn't one. The progress of a Lifer results from a thousand decisions, large and small, and to demand An Answer is futile. It's complicated.

There are those suspicious minds who refuse to believe a word I say, they want independent proof. Well, everyone was quite happy to accept my confession and plea of guilty in court; so when did I become a monstrous liar? And parading myself in the public eye should be some guarantee. The Ministry of Justice and the screws are long practiced in spreading poison and if there was serious dirt to be dished, one of these malign forces would have done so by now, don't you think?

There were a dozen reasons why some people took offence at my existence, let alone felt willing to donate, and all held in good faith. Of course, some were barking mad but sincere nonetheless. Such was the visceral hatred from some quarters that they provoked larger donations in from other people, so thanks!

And in some comments I detected an interesting authoritarian strand of frustration - insisting that I should just comply, comply, comply. It is sad, and baffling, that there are those who believe that just because some person, or institution, has a lawful authority then all they do should be immune from criticism or challenge. These people are infuriated that I argue the toss. Ho hum!

But despite these confused, genuine and malevolent constituencies there were sufficient numbers of you interested enough to donate so that my studies can continue. Seems I bring out the worst in some people but the very best in others. Thank you.