The last full day of a home leave is a strange one. The day is overshadowed by what tomorrow will bring - prison - and interrupted by packing, arranging travel, etc.
To be sitting in a place of ease and beauty and yet be preoccupied by prison is one of the many emotional strains that are both unexpected and profoundly unpleasant.
Whilst the prison professionals focus on work, timekeeping, etc, it is these deeper emotional waters that are the real story of the road to release.
It's a lot harder than you'd think!
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I always knew that your obtaining release would not be easy, that it would be very hard in fact. So its good that you have come so far and are now nearly out.
ReplyDeleteAlso I am sure that the prison don't want you there as much as you don't want to be there either.
Of course life ain't easy on the out, not at all. Life is shit for a lot of people these days.
Reminds me of an Irish saying I was once told, it went something like this: life is like eating a shit sandwich, the more bread you have with it the better.
Take care.
Your fourteen years of life experience, that you had before you plunged into the "black hole", was hardly worth speaking of, as you have never had any adulthood to speak of in the outside world! Boy, meets Man, meets the World, all in what feels like a day, must be pure hell, and possibly very frigtening.
ReplyDeleteIn this sad world, perhaps your punishment is not Prison, but your release? The dodgy handshakers, oversaw almost all of your life, 24/7! They only kept you locked away, gave you nothing but crap tea, and coffee!
It is only, your own self, that you have to thank, for giving yourself the education you have obtained. Now, it is time to put your theories into practice, it's like learning to swim in a desert with no water? This is the most difficult time for you ever, you now know it, and all that care about you, know it too!
The secret to this situation, is this? For all of your adult life, you have gone along with your gut feeling. Now is no different than before, with the only difference being, it is even more important now! You must stay calm, and go with what you feel deep inside your belly. It has kept you unmarked, up to now, through your adult life. It has made the Prison Service think twice about it's own arse-hole, over the years? It's still an arse-hole!!
You don't need to worry about damaging this boy-like creature inside. He cannot be touched by others, not even May, or Clark! This boy-like creature inside your belly, only wants food, and pleasure, so feed him both, then he will know the best way, he always does! If you need to know any more about the workings of your inner-boy, then just contact me via youtube, my names the same! =D