Growing up in Prison

Those unfamiliar with the prison system may be surprised to learn that, having captured me at the age of 14, they paid absolutely no attention to my social or psychological development. Those who are familiar with the system will shrug their shoulders; nothing new here.

Being a teenager is a formative period, where expressions of individuality and attempts to explore identity are perfectly normal and crucial. But that is outside.
Inside, however, in a highly regulated and controlled environment, these are seen as expressions of defiance and being anti authority. Just by being a normal kid, attempting to make sense of the world, leads to being labelled as awkward if not downright subversive.

Oddly enough, a battery of psychometric testing in the 1990's revealed, to wide surprise, that my development had left me within the normal range. Considering the circumstances, I must have done something right.

I have met others who entered prison at a young age and some of them are positively retarded emotionally and socially. Their experience has left them crippled for life.

The difference between those who develop normally and those who are left underdeveloped seems obvious to me. It rests on compliance; a "good prisoner" is a compliant, unquestioning one. But whilst good prisoners may keep the institution content, it undermines individuality and it is that sense of Self that is important in the wider society. Good prisoners don't necessarily make good citizens.

And so I would suggest that whilst my particularly sharp awkwardness in those early years may have displeased my keepers, it was essential if I was to develop into a reasonable adult individual.

Such a pity that I had to kick against the grain to achieve this, and I worry about the many youngsters who are nowadays thrown into prison and expected to behave like automatons. What sort of adults will they be? When I shaved my head at 17, I was slung in solitary for two weeks. I can only hope things have improved. The cynic in me can't help but worry, though.