If you want to get ahead...

I have been sent a Panama hat for my birthday. I have always wanted one. The question now is, do I have the stones big enough to wear it?? This is Shepton Mallet prison, not the piazza in Rome!

Turns out, I do. All morning, so far. And I am embarrassed by the low quality of the mockery dished out - Man From Del-Monte, Columbian drug lord..that's it! No inventive invective at all. Shame.

The high point was being told by a bloke that "You're having a laugh...!" As he stood there, pointing at me, with his spiky thin Mohican hair and head covered in Nazi tattoos...