Judgement Day

Sitting around chatting bollocks is a major part of the prisoner experience. As is character assassination. Yesterday I heard the most pointed of judgements being made about another con: "He's the paedo that even the other paedos are embarrassed by."

That's pretty bad.

More Abuse

A very unhappy con shouted through his block cell door, "You fat cow!" The female screw was outraged, having lost a significant amount of weight.  "I'm not fat".  The con, retreating from an unsustainable accusation, paused for a moment.  "Well, you're not exactly skinny, are ya?!"

'Elf and Safety

A genuine dwarf Lifer arrived on the wing. Who - and how - he killed was subject to wide and surreal speculation.

As we approached Christmas, and entertainment and dope needed to be arranged, we hit upon the idea of a dwarf-throwing contest. Simplicity  itself; just lay a line of mattresses down the landing and heave the little fella a few times.

The Wing Manager got wind of this wheeze and stole our dwarf away "for his own protection".

It may be relevant that this took place before we had television.  Boredom can lead to strange avenues for distraction!

Nonce Humour

One of the guys was obsessed with his appearance, his clothing, and a manic gym attender. Someone asked him why he made all this effort?  He said that he wanted to look good to attract women when he was released.

A passing wit chipped in, "Haven't you heard of Rohypnol...?"