Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Too Much Information??

My health has always been good. I've never spent more than one night in hospital, never broken a bone and - my dodgy serotonin levels aside - I've bumbled through life pretty unscathed.

And then my semen turned brown. As events likely to perturb a man go, this is up there with being Bobbited. The problem righted itself, but off to the Doctor I went. Blood tests followed, and suddenly I appreciated the idea of ignorance being bliss.

My PSA level is elevated, as are my sodium levels and cholesterol. So my prostate, kidneys and ticker are all deciding to be troublesome. At best, this is a minor glitch. At worst, this is cancer, diabetes and heart disease.

This is why men rarely trouble their GP. If we don't know, then we have nothing to trouble our serene existence. I should have stuck to my gender trait!

Of course, the fact that I have to be carted off to hospital for a medic to stick a finger up my bum is giving my mates vast entertainment. But apart from the general indignity of it, the fact that I will be handcuffed to one of the Prison Service’s finest for the procedure only adds to the appalling prospect.


  1. Hoping and praying that it is a minor glitch for you and nothing more, and that the tests may not be as humiliating as you fear!

  2. So sorry to hear about this ordeal you are going through Ben. I hope you are able to get the right and good treatment for it soon.

    All of this makes you realise how fragile we all are...

    You'd better keep away from those sexy magazines for a while; at least until you are better anyway ; )

    Also remembering your mate 'cancer boy', I hope he is comfortable and receiving the attention he needs.

    Thinking of you, good luck and best wishes xx

  3. I think it's unlikely to be cancer, diabetes AND heart disease, so that's something ;)

    Good luck.