There are many, many things which have escaped my judgement as I have meandered through a rather strange life. Not for any shortage of venom or praise on my part, but rather because they are not part of the broad prison experience.
Travelling is one of these newly arrived threads in my life, and I can't say that I'm overly impressed. In prison, by definition all that life requires is within a brief foray from the cell door. Confined communities are, as you may expect, physically quite compressed. The idea of having to factor in travelling time in the course of normal prison life is absurd.
Out and about, travelling time is growing to be an ever larger feature of my experience. It takes time to get from here to town, or within town to get to a particular feature. And this frustrates me.
Travelling time is dead time. Sitting in a car, a bus, a train, is an exercise in wasting my life away.
It is also an opportunity to read or write. This apparently wasted time can be used in a relevant way.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you Ben, the hours wasted standing at bus stops, in trafic jams etc in anyones lifetime, can amount to a number of years in total. It's quite shocking. It is highly frustrating, but yes, it is all part of this life we lead, just try and stay positive Ben, and, although it might be easier said than done at times, try and be philosophical. Take it easy m8, all the best x
ReplyDeleteTravelling time doesn't have to be dead time - I spend about an hour a day on city transit, usually catching up on reading or working on assignments, or chatting with my sister if I happen to be riding with her. Yes, it's irritating to have to spend a significant chunk of your day travelling, but unless you're the one driving, you can multitask.
ReplyDelete'Travelling time is dead time. Sitting in a car, a bus, a train, is an exercise in wasting my life away'
ReplyDeleteAlso, being battered to death leads to 'dead time', I'm sure B would love to have be traveling and sitting in a car, a bus, a train. If he could be frustrated, I'm sure he would be. Such a beautiful young boy when his life was ended by you. Stop your moaning, at least you have your life and it wasn't taken away from you forever.
Also, I would like to have my degree funded by the Guardian, or do you have to murder somebody to be eligible for this?
ReplyDeleteBen, i agree, if i ever am unlucky enough to be on a train during rush hour, i see all the miserable faces and thank god i am me, with my life, and i am not doing this everyday. And indeed, they look just as miserable on a Friday, as they do on a Monday. Having said that, sitting in jail for years and years is a waste too, however, i am glad i went for a short spell, learnt more there than at any other time in my life.
ReplyDeleteAnon, 04.52 and 04.54. I debated whether or not to delete your comments as they were unnecessarily spiteful and possibly libellous. But Ben has always believed people should feel free to express themselves on this blog so they still stand. I am not going to go down the road of trying to convince you of Ben's remorse. This is neither the time or the place. All I will say is that the law passed a sentence and Ben has served that sentence and then some. Both victim and perpetrator were children at the time, as you know, and as adults things would have been very different. If you feel that justice has not been done you should perhaps be airing your views elsewhere. Please refrain from using this blog as an opportunity for some sort of hate campaign. Bit late for that after all these years anyhow. You are obviously carrying a lot of bitterness but, with some counselling and help you may find there comes a time when one has to let go of the past the look to the future. Ed.
ReplyDeleteTravelling can be time out, R & R. Gaze out of the window, take time to dream, read a good book... Of course, these things are possible on a quiet carriage in a cross country train and not in the rush hour on the tube! There is a strange etiquette on tube travel, that will probably be worth a blog!
ReplyDeleteNot libellous as you were convicted of said crime. Remorse doesn't take away what you did. I think in this case bitterness is very much justified and again, no amount of counselling will take away what you did. It's not a hate campaign, people should be aware of the reason you were convicted. There is a reason you are still in a prison. Why should alternative opinions not be aired on this site? You seem to bring up the arguement of freedom of speech yourself very often. The phrase 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me' springs to mind! Sticks, stones and fists kill. Names are merely 'libellous'.
ReplyDeleteAlso, 99.9% of 14 year olds know that killing somebody is wrong. It's such a shame that B came across the 0.01% of 14 year olds who didn't.
ReplyDeleteErm, Anonymous coward...
ReplyDeleteYou're not replying to Ben, you're replying to his editor, Ben has no direct internet access as his prison only allows use of the internet in order to look at the Job centre plus site (which is a bit double plus ungood if you ask me)
Everyone knows what he was convicted of, he's posted large articles on it himself, he was also a child, as was his victim, from what I understand it was a typical fist fight as happens between kids all the time, in this case it went very wrong.
He did the 10 years he was sentenced to for his crime long ago, the last 20 years have achieved what exactly? does it bring back the lad he killed? does it help the lad's family move on? of course it doesn't, it achieved nothing for anyone and cost the taxpayer a damn fortune, I think that's why this blog exists, to bring attention to the bloody uselessness of it all.
Hideki,
ReplyDeleteIt was rather more than "a typical fist fight... that went wrong". Ben's crime was violent in the extreme and very ugly. It suits us to make excuses for him because we support him, but I don't think it helps, in the end, to propagate this comforting myth.
However, Ben now is not the same person as Ben then and his past doesn't make the things he fights for now any less valid, nor does it change the fact that most of the changes he is pushing would reduce the likelihood of someone else having to suffer the way Bs family have.
Let's acknowledge the reality of Ben's past but not let it cloud the value of his present and future.
The libel is against the Guardian, not Ben. Which given the support the Newspaper has given Ben is probably what the editor is concerned about.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I wouldn't worry too much, the Guardian have enough stupid comments on their own website without worrying about what goes on here.
In the past, a 14 year old would have faced the gallows. But we have moved on since then. We leave them in prison for 32 years instead!
ReplyDeleteYou are right, tallguy, it was not the Guardian who sponsored Ben's Ph.D. but readers of the paper and the Guardian online. That research will not go to waste, incidentally, because he will be able to pick up his studies at a later date. He was unable to carry on with it at Erlestoke so it has been on the back burner for a while. Ben has a lot on his plate right now. Ed.
ReplyDeleteI cannot undo the past and I am always aware that my future is being built on the bones of another's life. but what else can I do except live? What exactly do you want of me, because nothing will lessen your pain or my culpability. Ben.
ReplyDelete