Monday, January 7, 2013

Past, Present, Future

I sometimes used to joke that on release I would take a tour of the prisons I had been held in. Not out of sentiment, but curiosity. For out of any cell window that is fortunate enough to have a view over the wall, the vista is inevitably truncated; I often wondered what was just out of view from the window, and a tour to stand outside the walls would satisfy that curiosity.

Yesterday I found myself in just that position, looking upwards at the cell in which seminal events in my life had taken place. My lengthy hunger strike, the riot of 1990, my gradual transformation into a political animal... But it was not sentiment or curiosity which led me to stand in the shadow of that wall, it was pain.

A message from someone still inside had tugged me straight into that difficult past. 32 years are not easy to shrug away, nor should they be, but the daily prison grind has retreated from the forefront of my memory. The message brought so much back, and reminded me of the strength of purpose I had whilst inside. I knew what I was doing, and I knew where I was going. That ended at the Gate.

And I realised, staring up at that cell window, that things must be different now. I can no longer spend endless hours typing away at people's complaints, running to the library for the latest PSI or reading endless Notices to Prisoners that managers churn out merely to demonstrate their own existence. The jailhouselawyer and subversive political guy may have had purpose, may have been roles that made sense on the landings, but they do not in my new existence.

The scope, the vista, that I am faced with is so much larger. Indeed, it is only limited by my ability and the structures within which the world operates - along with a fat chunk of blind luck. The issues have expanded, become more strategic. Helping a man argue over a personal prison issue has become a policy consultant at the Howard League - no longer dealing with a single prisoner or a single issue, but the whole of the penal landscape with its myriad avenues. Equally, being the front-man for some injustice has become a caseworker at InsideJustice, dealing with a range of people and their unjust convictions.

As the years passed I did find myself addressing wider issues than the immediate. It was this which led me into blogging at the start. And so in some way, I have always seen further ahead than the immediate, the seemingly small issues on the landing (which are actually very large in prisoners' lives). My arguments went from being aimed at screws to being fired at policy makers and I entered the wider political debate with the blog.

And yet....finding my place in this new arena has been difficult. At times it just became ridiculous. What the hell was I, me, doing chatting to Jon Snow on Channel 4 News? The journey so far has been somewhat surreal and so far removed from my previous existence that  felt profoundly adrift.

The chill of that wall's shadow, the pathetic emptiness of my old cell window, brought life into perspective. I can still do what I always did - challenge, question - but now the avenues I walk and the debates I have are different. Perhaps less immediate in their need or effect, but still in some way it is the same activity - only writ large.

And so the battles for change continue. Only now I know, really know, that not only am I home but that I can still try to make a difference.

29 comments:

  1. What verbose and hubristic tripe: the reality is that now you've been released your unique selling point, ie blogging prisoner, has evaporated as quickly as the willpower of a junkie who's offered one last bag of smack.
    It's been interesting to observe the head rush and furious blogging activity that flowed following your release dwindle down into a trickle of introspective and morose rants about not very much at all.
    The wheels stopped turning because the hamster has left to join another circus. Respond, delete, do what you will. None of it matters because this blog has the life expectancy of a snowball in hell, the causes of its death will be its irrelevance and hypocrisy .
    You could of course put us all out of our misery by just putting down your pen/keyboard and getting on with your life....

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    1. Dear oh dear, have you no humanity Anonymous? Why so vindictive? The last sentence in your comment says it all: you want Ben to stop blogging. Why? and I don't see a problem in this his latest post either, its reflective. So what? What is wrong with someone reflecting on their circumstances and writing about it? It is interesting for many of us readers because of our curiosity of watching, listening and even learning from someone who has had such an extreme set of circumstances in life, it is interesting and intriging. So, you either don't like Ben, or what he writes, why be so vindictive about it? What is your beef exactly?

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    3. Anonymous: did you read the blog linked to by Ben a day or two ago? Perhaps sometimes feelings have more visceral impact if they're not expressed in perfect sentences with lots of polysyllables. I found the way that man was feeling very distressing and I honestly couldn't think of a thing to say to him. And that I left without saying anything has made me feel very uncomfortable. But it did give me an insight. I really don't think ex-cons who have done their time deserve to have their feelings shat upon. They've BEEN punished, for heavens sakes. Ben writes in a more measured way and uses the passive voice - so I don't see why it incites your aggressive tone. It should allow us to think about what he's saying without getting angry/contemptuous/upset and discuss it in a more constructive way, don't you think? And by constructive, I don't mean "yes, no, three bags full, of course you're right about everything, Ben". I mean like grown ups.

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    4. Anon 8:06

      Your vitriol is only matched by your stupidity..... Ben hasn't lost his USP - it's simply evolving, and his story will remain unique, well followed and fascinating - whether you agree or not!

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    5. The initial comment was to an extent unkind, blunt and lacking sophistication, but expresses a valid viewpoint nevertheless. I don't think humility comes easily to Ben and he continues to deliberately irritate some, for instance by carrying on referring to 'screws'.

      I'm absolutely positive that he has much of value to say, if he chooses to say it. He will be undergoing huge mood swings as he tries to adjust to his changed circumstances. I can assure you that this will not be easy and he deserves as much understanding as possible, but he also needs to reflect on how his thoughts are going to be received if he still wants to carry on blogging.

      In my view a good start would be by trying to explain what responsibility he accepts for having to serve 34 years in prison?

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    6. Good old Darby; can always rely on you to leap to bens defence... We're you bunk/cell mates by any chance?
      The fact Is that the post was verbose and hubristic; it's also a fact that the blog is in decline if you judge it's health by the quantity and frequency of bens utterances....

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    7. Ah, but look at the quality! Readership doubled..... But screws never could face a fact, could they? Nice to see your adding to my stats by never being able to walk away. Thanks!

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    8. Yes, you keep saying the blog is dying, even in the face of the stats provided by those nice folk at Google. Anything else your in denial about?

      Thanks for returning though, I've missed you and your malevolent spite, it is hugely entertaining for us. Ever thought of blogging yourself? Or do you prefer leeching off the efforts of others...?

      One question though. Hyporcisy?

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    9. @JimBrown. My detention was decided by various Ministers and Parole Boards - it is for them to accept responsibility for their decisions, not for me to do so.

      There is a link on the right column, http://prisonerben.blogspot.com/2009/10/how-to-serve-30-years.html, which gives an overview of my time. Note that even with a tariff of ten years, my initial Career Plan went to 16 years. Ten years worth of recommendations overturned by Ministers. That leaves only a spare 6 years or so....And if you think the Prison Service and Parole Board forgive my writing, campaigning, jailhouselawyering and general questioning of their ideology and practices, then you are sadly misinformed.

      So what, exactly, have I to explain?

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    10. Anonymous January 8, 2013 8:44 PM.

      Ben doesn't need any help from me. A fact in which you lead the field in proving.

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    11. Isn't it absolutely obvious who Anonymous is? The bitching can only point to one screaming Queen!

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  2. Well, on the one hand Anonymous has his own provocative way of putting things, and on the other hand Ben Gunn is entitled to maintain a blog and write on that blog what he likes, including some very abstract introspection. He did after all spend 32 years inside, his entire adult life up to release. If Anonymous (or anyone else) doesn't like it, then viewing this blog is entirely optional.

    But Anonymous is right, isn't he? Right on the fundamental point, that is: Ben Gunn ought to just get on with his life. What Ben Gunn in fact decides to do is the business of Ben Gunn, but Anonymous is right in stating what ought to happen now.

    Maybe the problem is that Ben Gunn is still defined by his prison experience (and always will be). That is a poor reflection on the system as it is. Perhaps in a more rational system, there would be no institutional legacy for most offenders - i.e. they would either serve their punishments in the community as part of the community, and when done, just carry on with their lives, having learnt a valuable lesson; or, where detention is necessary, they would not see this as a process of social shaming, but rather as a means for personal and social renewal. Perhaps I am not explaining that too clearly (it is a difficult concept to understand), but I recall reading a newspaper feature article some time ago (no, not in the Guardian!) about the Finnish penal system. One prisoner remarked that people are sent to prison in Finland to "make themselves better". He was likening it to being sent to hospital. That we don't have that type of system here (not to say that systems elsewhere are rosy) is perhaps the reason Ben Gunn can't just go about "getting on with" his life. It's not that simple or easy for him having spent 32 years inside an irrational system which uses punitive incarceration as a solution to social problems.

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    1. Um, I am getting on with my life. And that life includes blogging.

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    2. Sure, and I'm glad you are blogging.

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  3. Why are my posts to this blog being deleted? I thought there was no comment moderation here and no censorship?

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    1. Have been out and about all day, now found you in "Spam". Apologies, and let us know if it happens again.

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    2. And it seems that you deleted one comment yourself. If I had deleted it, it would say so. I hope this clarifies.

      I have been having problems with the spam filter, which is allowing through an increasing number of commercial spam posts but occassionally capturing genuine comments. I rectify the situation as soon as I can but not always immediately if I am away from my laptop.

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    3. Ah, no need to apologise then - thanks and sorry for jumping to conclusions.

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  4. Interesting but hardly surprising that you don't accept anonymous's accusation of hypocrisy but do seem to accept the one of hubris.
    Aristotle's definition of hubris inextricably links it with nemesis, so be careful that you don't trip over either the huge chip on your shoulder or your huge ego and trip yourself right back into prison...
    What purpose did your jibe about prison managers serve in the original post? What did it add? It was unnecessary and mean, as is your insistence on referring to prison officers as screws. When we start to hear - for example- Frances Crook calling officers screws or generalising that all governors are thick then maybe you'll be proved right, but until then all you manage to do is come across as a man who swallowed a dictionary but still can't quite get over or get away from the querulous twerp that lies just beneath the skin.... As I said Ben, be careful that that great big ego doesn't trip you up and be equally careful that that great big chip on your shoulder doesn't become a mill stone.....
    " hubris - moi??" Ben Gunn, messiah 2012/13
    Inner vision

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    1. The term "screws" is a neutral one. It's origins are allegedly linked to the Victorian "turnscrew", but in truth the origins are unclear. It is neither derogatory not laudatory. Ditto the term "cons", from convicts. Why so sensitive?

      Oh, and I love "querulous twerp". Genius at work, eh?

      As you have previously outed yourself as a prison governor, it says a lot about your world view that you think it is acceptable to keep returning here to give me personal abuse and wish me back into reoffending.

      My taxes at "work", lol.

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    2. As personal abuse goes, being called a "querulous twerp" on the internet has got to be one of the milder forms known to man. InnerVision obviously isn't your biggest fan, and not above a bit of sarcasm, but he* has never wished for you to reoffend that I can remember, and as I recall when IV "outed" himself it involved...casually mentioning it when it came up in the conversation, after having made no significnat attempt to deny it. Not exactly diabolical.


      *or she, in which case, my apologies for the incorrect pronouns.

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    3. Cheers Jess...
      IV is a man btw. Started out as an officer in the early 80s and somehow progressed to being a governor nowadays, worked in all kinds of establishments with every kind of prisoner from juveniles to exceptional risk Cat A.
      I find Ben's blog informative, amusing and sometimes mildly offensive in equal measure.
      I do however wish that he wouldn't take himself so bloody seriously, and also think that his posts since release have become increasingly self aggrandising and hubristic
      Inner vision

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  5. Not addressing something is not the same as accepting it....unless you work for a very dodgy policeforce?

    I need validation by an outside observer before I can say anything about governors? How odd you are. In my experience, as a group they are not very sharp. There - said it.

    And thanks, me and my ego are doing fine. How's yours?

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  6. It's fine; strangely indented by your ripostes thanks. I don't wish you back into prison at all, I merely observed that your generalisations about prison staff are unnecessary as they frequently add nothing of value to the topic of your posts, and repetitive. I also said that such terminology and the espousal of such views makes you seem somewhat out of step with other people who comment on the prison system and are hubristic...
    I accept that twerp was probably an unkind thing to call you, but I do believe that querulous is apt and appropriate when you include such content in your posts.
    Inner vision

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    1. Undented even!!

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    2. JOOI, IV, was it you that made the report to Frankland that got my boss and I fired from the work we were doing?

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    3. No; not my style
      IV

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  7. Anonymous, and that first comment, is just his view of things, from wherever he might be? George W. Bush, might have opinions to, but I'm sure nobody will listen to that man again, unless you are a Bohemian Grover, of course? Now, this is where it goes off track, but not! When you were first sentenced, thirty-two years ago, you did not know it, but the Judge was a Freemason, if they were male!
    I.K. Brunel, was a Freemason, and Jewish. The former, was how he managed to get his way, with almost everything that he touched. From the moment he touched railways, the Masons controlled the railways, the world over, which they still do, and even more so! When I was about three years old, a photo was taken of me, with my collection of double decker Buses! Back then, I knew nothing of how buses were run, or controlled? Now, I do, and the Freemason system, is alive and kicking in there, via Parish, Town, City, County Councils, and ultimately Transport Ministry. Add this to the Justice system, building trade, Arms manufacturing, I think that you get my point? Where is Democracy, and the said Transparency, that we all desire?
    Back to you, Ben! I think your battle, is not with the Prison Service, Police, Justice System, or Government, or even Anonymous, it is with this hideous secret society, from Hell, which controls all of our lives, without our consent!

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