It is a strange feeling, writing this whilst knowing that there are people out there who would like to see me killed. Nothing personal, I appreciate that, but still...
There are many things that I just don't understand about the death penalty. What I do understand, though, is the visceral urge on the part of some victims to destroy the criminal. When my sister was killed, I spent a long time devising ingenious ways of inflicting suffering on her killer. This, I think, is not unusual.
Of the things I don't understand, though, most are philosophical rather than practical.
For example, it is said that human life is so valuable that to extinguish it is the most heinous of crimes. Given the low value society attributes to human life in general, though, I doubt that proposition. Still, let's run with it.
Life is so precious that we should kill those who take it. Am I the only one who sees the conceptual knot in that reasoning?? Either life is sacred, or it isn't. If it is, how can we sanction State killing of criminals? I have never understood this. I honestly don't.
My other problem is that there are those victims who claim (in advance) that executing the Bad Man will make them feel better. Really? I worry about anyone who would take pleasure in the death of another human being. That is just the type of emotion that serial killers are said to have. Crowds who gather outside of prisons, clustering around hot dog stands and waving placards, are worrying. They show a delight in death that makes murderers blush.
The main source of emotional pain, surely, comes from the loss of the murdered victim and not the continued existence of the murderer? And there is no external act that can heal that wound. No matter how many people are hung, electrocuted or gassed, the loved one remains dead. So I have to wonder, does executing the murderer actually do anything for that pain? And in what way?
There is also the knotty problem that executing the murderer inflicts upon their family the very pain that the killer himself inflicted, and which is the reason for him being executed. Is it me, or is this all very convoluted and actually morally incomprehensible?
There were many moments when I would have happily seen my sisters killer executed, preferably by being dipped in acid whilst rats gnawed at extremities. The urge to lash out at those who hurt us is normal. It doesn't mean that these urges are allowed to be acted upon. I would never dream of asking that my basest urges be translated into public policy.
As the years have passed and I can become more reflective about my sister’s death, I have become convinced that what I want of her killer is to know that she has an understanding of what she has done. I want to know that she carries that weight on her conscience.
Killing her would be pointless. It would not heal my wound. Imprisoning her would also have no impact. All that would satisfy me is to look into her eyes and see the depths of her regret for what she did, to see that part of her that will never be the same in the full knowledge of her actions.
