Good luck!

That's the last thing we tend to say to someone who is moving on to another nick. And often that's the last decent thing that's said about the departed.

It is common that, no sooner has a bloke left, then the slagging off commences. He was a bastard, a slippery git, I hated him, he had me over, if I see him again I'll knock him out, I heard he was a wrong 'un...it all comes pouring out.

This is at its funniest when matey unexpectedly returns, when everyone has to pretend they like him again. We are such hypocrites, though it's one of the many ways we manage to rub-along with each other.

And I can't wait to find out what's said about me once I'm gone! I'm pretty confident it will make being called an "arsey tosser" seem like a compliment.