Saturday, March 12, 2011
It may sound offensive but both murderers and victims partly
share a life journey. Though the event, the crime that connects
them provides different starting points for this journey through
We share the qualities of being inescapably human. We take the same pleasures from life, good company, sex, a beautiful landscape...Humanity is, to this extent, indivisible.
And as time passes, the shadow of the loss becomes less frequent and less overbearing. It is always there, ready to intrude into daily life but, as with any death, at some indefinable moment it ceases to be the largest thing in daily life. This was so with the death of my mother, and again with my sister.
It is the same for the murderer. Time fades the crime. It is ever present, but not as sharply. The trivia of daily life begins to intrude again. The spaces between the crime coming to the forefront of the mind can grow longer and are filled with the normal pleasures and pains of daily life.
But, at least for me, my crime is ever ready to flood back. It is tormenting, and I don't feel that I have the right to attempt to prevent it. The least that I owe my victim is to feel that pain.
Yet I am still human. I enjoy TV, writing, stuffing my face, laughing in company, all of the little joys and hurts that are felt by everyone are things that I share. My crime is the biggest thing in my life; but it is not the only thing.