Sunday, March 7, 2010

You were waiting...

Of course there is sex going on in prison. Even before female staff made their appearance, testosterone existed.

And obviously, most sexual activity is solitary and pornography-related. The thirst for sexual relief can be constant, eyes searching out the smallest glimpse of female skin to add to fevered imaginings.

It seems to be central to our identity as men, as sexual beings, that we find expressions and interests for our urges. DVD's, nudity on the TV, magazines, letters, photographs, are all harboured and savoured.

I have even heard a new girly-magazine being described in terms of being a new girlfriend! Each new page revealing something new, each new letter of 'confession' adding to the sense that sexuality is not a wholly imagined activity. When a new, illicit, porn DVD finds its way onto the landings then there is a subtle ripple of consequence, as increasing numbers search it out.

Gay encounters are varied. Many who have sporadically indulged would deny any homosexuality, the essence of their encounters being to share another’s' body - the gender becomes irrelevant in the quest for sexual communion.

Myth has it that Lifers are all sliding in and out of each other’s beds, that necessity is the mother of homosexuality. In my experience, this is not true. That said, when an openly gay man left here, we found out a rough estimate of men who had approached him during his stay. I was initially surprised but, on reflection, the numbers suggested that around 10% of men here may have had some homosexual experiences. That probably equates well with the outside world.

But, by and large, we get by with solitary porn. It used to be that visits offered furtive opportunities. The tables and chairs were just right for under the table manual manoeuvrings and, as long as nothing was too blatant or visible to kids, a blind eye was turned. One woman visitor I had spent two hours every weekend being 'entertained' by me in this way. Despite our relationship lasting a decade, this was a one-way activity and one I thoroughly enjoyed.

The new Puritanism and its concomitant labelling of prisoner’s sexuality as deviant has seen a near total cessation of such encounters on visits. Whilst this may please the prison service, the effects it can have on relationships can only be imagined.

The influx of female staff, both as screws and as civilians such as teachers, obviously increases the opportunity for encounters. These are rare, though, and my relationships with two consecutive staff gives me a near legendary status in this regard! Such is my seductive reputation that I am no longer allowed to work in close personal proximity to women. Honestly, I don't go looking for these sorts of relationships, it takes two to tango.

Such relationships are fraught with danger. A playful encounter outside that may, or may not, lead somewhere is the norm. In prison, if you make a play for a woman and you have misjudged their receptiveness, then you are sunk. You will be regarded as being a security risk, a danger to women, and at the very least you will find yourself in a new prison with many additions to your security file.

Relationships with female screws are viewed by the system as a betrayal on the part of staff, an abrogation of the Us and Them they love so dearly. They can be seen as being duped, weak and vulnerable to prisoners' sweet talk. Because the prison system can never accept that it's just a matter of not being able to choose who you fall in love with; they view such relationships as 'conditioning' or 'grooming' on the part of the prisoner, part of a diabolical plan to undermine security. Love and lust are never seen as motivators.

Being caught in homosexual activity is a legal minefield. Whilst we can be issued condoms, our cells are classed as a 'public place' and so sexual activity there is illegal. The most common response, though, is to face social mockery until the next interesting thing happens to fill in the conversational spaces.

For nearly all prisoners, though, the only sexual expression they share with other people is through letters and phone calls.


  1. Would love to read about how you ended up involved with female staff.

    Also, how common is rape where you are housed?

  2. Life is full of hidden meanings, so try to be open minded, your Eternity depends on it! Do you have an Eternity then? What! Who, me? You bet your fur, I do!

    A male is made up of X + Y, so as the X is the female and Y is the male, that makes you a complete hermaphrodite. With both parts in us, that is why we can be self sufficient in sex, more easily. With two of us males, that can be like a boy scout camp!

    A female is made up of X + X, so that is a female + female. Next time you get to visit Holloway, take a closer look. The female wants the male to give her babies. Before that, he has to give her money to keep her quiet. After the baby arrives, he has to give them both money to keep them quiet!

    Why would you want babies? Because they are yours? Well, that can't be true, as most of them today, once old enough, are told to sod off! And take that pile of shit with you! :-(

    What are mothers? Oh! They are the ones that tell you "I love my baby!" OK, so far, so good! Then why is it, that when they want to cross the road, they always push the buggy with baby inside, out into the roadway first? "I love my baby" sounds a bit empty now? Get your life around the correct way. Don't say something if it is just a cover story for your guilt complexes.

    This is not a dig at prisoners in general, if at all. It goes for anyone, even police and screws!

  3. Women can be just as easily self sufficient in sex Norman. And it is simply not the case that women just aspire to be a mother and have babies.