Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Is it possible for victims ever to be happy? Even if we are made to suffer the most bestial of torments, would that bring peace to a grieving soul?


  1. If there's money or kudos to be gained from it, then the answer must be : no.

    A corollary is to be found in psychotherapy; people generally recover sooner from trauma when they don't have therapy. And for some strange reason, the psychology fraternity isn't too keen on announcing that fact.

  2. Forgiveness, rather than revenge, is the key to victims finding peace of mind. When God tells us to forgive, it is as much for our own well-being as for the one who has hurt us. I'm sure we can all recall examples too of families of murder victims who have redeemed their pain by campaigning or raising funds to help others, rather than becoming embittered.

    If we are unable to make amends in human terms, then we can ask God for forgiveness and He will give us peace.

    'For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
    as far as the east is from the west,
    so far does he remove our transgressions from us.' (From Psalm 103)

    Peace and respect to you Ben.

  3. Jules - spot on. I have tried not to forgive, allowed my anger to control me. I was on fire, for it is true that anger is the devil's footstool. Believe you me ben, I had all the right to be angry. I met a liar who promised to help me with my personal dilemma (helping my poor folks in Africa), coincidentally, a few months later my sister swindled me of my life savings. This liar and his friends hacked into my bank account and found out that I was overdrawn, and realised that there was nothing he was going to get for helping me. Within weeks thereafter this liar and money grabbing idiot had the audacity to call me a liar, a prostitute and a witch - and refused to talk to me. To make it worse for me, him and his friends hacked into my emails, and then sent spam to me and every other person who showed interest in me as if the spam was from me - using my email address. That created more enemies for me without any wrong doing from my part - I was a victim just as those who were trying to help me, yet none of us knew that, whilst this idiot and his friends played victims of voodoo from me. Like Jules, my life is guided by the words of Jesus Christ.

    The only reason why I am sane today is because I forgave this money grabbing fool and his friends. I prayed for him and his friends. My rationale, apart from what Jules has alluded to is that: "Justice comes from the one who created us." I am not an atheist, I know that the life in me is the same life in all living species. So, yes, as a victim who had eggs and drinks thrown at me, a victim who was called a witch a liar and a prostitute, a victim whose house was broken to and searched and a victim whose accusers have still not come forward in 7 years, I am very happy! Forgive your enemies, love your enemies and do good to your enemies is the remedy!

  4. No, I dont think it would ...if anything it would perpetuate the myth that two wrongs make a right...... Dangerous!!

  5. I'm sick of pious bible-bashers hijacking every moral question Ben poses.

  6. Perhaps Anonymous could make some relevant comments to Ben's post instead of just knocking the 'pious bible-bashers'. In this world everyone has a right to make a comment.

    Ben, yes victims can be 'happy' - just depends what each person perceives as happiness. You keep strong.

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  8. I posted something too hastily in response to Anonymous 2 but really, God doesn't need me to defend Him. It is the way of the world that to some, any viewpoint is acceptable as long as we don't mention the G or J words. If Ben or his Editor indicated they would like me to refrain from commenting on this blog then I would respect their wishes. Otherwise, I will continue to post when I feel I have something encouraging or thought provoking to say, but My identity is in Jesus Christ, and that is how I express myself. It is about a relationship, not religiosity or 'bible-bashing'. I would hope that people who have read my comments for a while would have understood that.

    Could anonymous people just called themselves something, it would make life so much easier and more pleasant. Thanks.

  9. Jules, I know how easy it is to lose my tongue when defending myself against comments such as anonymous above. Sometimes I even lose it when debating with Christians and other religious people, hence I refrained from responding to anonymous for three simple reason:
    He/she does not put forward a response to ben's question prefering to criticise those who are doing so.
    He/she certainly finds reference a taboo, for
    forgiveness and contentment has a lot to do with the teachings of Jesus Christ/bible.
    Experience has taught me that it is only through forgiving our enemies that we can find peace within ourselves.

    For some of us who prefer to put theory into practice rather than just using it as rhetoric, very little is to be gained from losing my tongue against sterile arguments such as that put foward by anonymous, because I have reaped the benefit. It is only through practice that one gets results, something, I suspect that those who think along the line of anonymous have never attempted!

  10. Tigerlily said;

    Thank you Florence for your openess - Sharing those tramatic events of your life and how it effected you and your family, how your trust was broken by people who were family and how you were abused and called vicious names and taunts.
    I appluad your values of forgiveness - I am not a practising Christian although I do believe in forgiveness in it entirity. We all experience pain and suffering to some degree in our lives and we grow from our experiences.
    This blog is always evocative and interesting and I enjoy Ben's view point and his thoughts and expressions of his experiences of his life and that of others.
    Also the fact that the readers of this blog have diverse views makes it even more interesting.
    Thank you Ben - thank you to everyone else who contributes to this blog.

  11. Thank you Tigerlily, I don't go to church either! I don't practice what Jesus Christ taught out of choice either. I argue with Christian fanatics until I am out of breath, but my simple argument is that Jesus Christ was not a Christian, yet what he taught is the best philosophy for anyone who wants a peacefull, humane and righteous life, a life of "One Love one Heart" as sung by Bob Marley. That is the reason why I am unable to hurt anyone. It is not being a Christian, it is my belief that we are one - I hurt - you hurt! Hence Jesus says, "Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you."

    I have no doubt that those idiots who tried to destroy me are hurting now that I have exposed them. So why should I hate them? Through my experience of suffering and forgiveness, I became stronger and now am able to help others who find themselves in the same situation I was in, in 2003 - vulnerable, alone, and grieving for the last person on this planet who stood by me (my father)!

    As for ben, it is only ben who knows the suffering he has endured. Judgemental people can come up with their rationale as to why he is still in prison. I say, hand on my heart, I would not wish any of those people who tried to destroy me to suffer like I did at their hands. Let me not sound a kind person for these people even tried to poison me in their attempt to silence me. But what is the point of hating someone who is dead? I am alive, hence I fight for others to live. Only a dead person gets satisfaction in killing others. But as Jesus says, they can kill the flesh, but they cannot kill the spirit! I am not a Christian, but I live my life as Jesus Christ teaches me!

  12. There is so much going on in your post here Ben, of course not all crimes, victims and criminals are the same.

    The majority of crimes are committed to get stuff to either help feed a drug habbit or to pay bills and provide sustenence, like food and warmth. Especially true a while back with people being locked up and deported for such minor offeces such as steeling items ranging from livestock to sugar, but still today, these sort of crimes committed by the poor are heavily penalised.

    A malicious crime against a person is something different, and there needs to be greater understanding of the underlying reasons for an attack like this, but the stresses and strains of things like poverty, domesticity, alienation are all factors that play a part.

    Even crimes like aggrevated buglarly are often when the perpetrator is actually very scared to be carrying out the crime in the first place and is expecting much greater oppostion.

    Victims of crime might go through a variety of emotions and some may hate (probably a minority, just as those people are a minority in life in general), but depending on the crime, some may even feel a sense of admiration for the skills of the perpetrator. For example I was mugged outside my flat once, and funnily enough I made chase and ran after the young fella who nicked my bag, in the end I could not keep up with him and watched him run away, I was agog at his agility and remember saying how he ran like the wind. Also my Mum felt a closeness to a young man who had nicked her bag, she was concerned for him, and I dont think this kind of reaction is all that uncommon.

    But yes, there is a very vocal minority who scream at crime and criminals blanket, cause a lot of damage in the process and are very much supported by rags like the Daily Mail.

    Keep up this fight Ben, keep up the crusade for more understanding and better treatment for the convicted, we are behind you and support you.

    Sophie J


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